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From an Islamic perspective, in choosing a partner, the most important factor that should be taken into consideration is Taqwa (piety and consciousness of Allah). There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practiced in the West. There is no dating or living in de facto relationship or trying each other out before committing to each other. There is to be no physical relationship whatsoever before marriage. [4]
According
to Islamic tradition, marriage should be entered into for the sake of Allah.
Marriage is, therefore, Ibadah (worship).
Allah says in Surah Ghafir, "And your Lord said: Invoke Me (believe in Me alone and ask Me anything) I will respond to your (invocation). Verily, those who scorn My worship (i.e., they do not believe in My Oneness or ask Me), they will surely enter hell in humiliation"(40:60).
Marriage
is such an important step in attaining Taqwa that even Rasulullah sallahu
alaihi wassalam spoke of marriage as being ‘half of your Deen: ‘Whoever has
married has completed half of his religion; therefore let him fear Allah in the
other half!” – Bayhaqi.
Marriage
is the most demanding training ground of faith. By claiming it to be ‘half of
your Deen’, Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam was not making an idle
statement. When human couple strive hard to get their marriage and family right
in the eyes of Allah Subhana Wa Taa’la, they are indeed well on the road to
Jannah. [2][4]
Uhibukka
fillah
In
Islam the healthy marriage begins with a strong practice of Islamic tradition
and spousal selection based on the Quran and Sunnah.
Many Muslim couples
enter into marriage each with their own set of baggage and often lack the
personal relationship with Allah that will help them to be successful as a
married couple.
In the nutshell, part of the problem in most marriages
is a lack of Islamic education and spiritual development. Individuals
entering into marriage are bent on getting what they want while neither
practicing forbearance and patience, nor committing themselves to one another
for the sake of Allah. Many of these problems can be prevented by learning and
implementing the teachings of Islam. Quran offers many
references concerning rights and limits in marriage, love and divorce. There is
even an entire surah (chapter) named Al Talaq (The
Divorce).
The
Quran also says: "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you
mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and
He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)..." (30:21)
"He it is Who created you from a single soul, and of the same did He make his spouse, that he might find comfort in her."(7:189).
If a spouse is chosen merely for his or her attractiveness or socioeconomic status, the likelihood is that those attributes will be the sum total of the marriage. [3]
A healthy marriage is based on strong Iman (faith) and strong Taqwa (fear of Allah). Because the couple unites for the sake and love of Allah, they are able to make decisions and resolve problems upon based this commitment.
Fikr (reflection) and Dhikr (remembrance) of Allah are a regular part of the marriage. The couple keeps their obligations to Allah and remembers Him often, even in their most intimate affairs. They reflect on what He has given them and on ways to improve their relationship with Him and thus with each other.
The couple not only strives in the cause of Allah but are also knowledgeable of their own and each other's rights, roles and responsibilities. The spouses honor and ensure that each other's rights are fulfilled and they work together to develop a strong Islamic personality.[1]
When
The Teaching of Islam is Not the Reason for the Marriage
Given this, it is important to explore some of the problems Muslim couples are experiencing in marriage:
Religiously incompatible - It may also mean that the husband and wife are Muslim but one is more observant in the practice of the faith while the other may be described as Muslim but not religious.
The husband may not want the wife to wear Hijab despite her desire to do so. When a disagreement arises, one spouse wants to refer to Quran and Sunnah for the answer while the other ignores these primary sources of guidance to the preference of cultural traditions as the basis for decision-making.
Financial problems - It is essential that Muslims determine the importance of Islam in their lives prior to marriage. Each individual's level of religiosity will affect decision making, problem solving, daily practices and fulfillment of religious obligations.
These
often result when the husband is either unemployed or underemployed or the
couple has poor money management and budgeting skills.
Also the high potential for employment discrimination experienced by Muhajabas (Muslim women who wear the traditional Islamic dress and headscarf) add to the family's stress. The husband's self- esteem is severely affected in such circumstances because he is unable to fulfill one of his primary Islamic obligations.
Cross-cultural marriage - While marriage to someone of the same culture should not be the primary criteria for marriage, cross-cultural marriages seem to be at risk for marital discord.
Frequently, the couple finds it very difficult to accept and adjust to each other's cultural norms and traditions. When Islam is not the primary guide in their lives and each one operates from a cultural base unfamiliar to the other communication problems, parenting problems and emotional and/or physical abuse often arise out of the frustration.
Cross-cultural marriage seems to work best when both spouses commit to make Islam according to Quran and Sunnah a priority. In issues not having to do with worship, both have to be tolerant and willing to compromise.
Differences in parenting style - Lack of parenting skills, significant differences in parenting styles, lack of knowledge of the examples of healthy, effective parenting from the Sunnah, the stress of adjusting to life with a new baby, or as a stepparent can lead to discord in the marriage.
Good
marriage preparation affords the couple an opportunity to learn about their
obligations as parents based on examples in the Quran and Sunnah.
Marriage in Islam is a
beautiful way for two people to bring together their families, heritage and
culture for the purpose of bringing more little Muslims into the world, in love,
commitment and dedication to Allah, His Book, His prophet, peace be upon him,
and surrender to Him in peace (Islam). [1]
Seeking
Marriage – Islam Tradition versus Bida’ah/Culture
The prayer of Istikhara
(decision making), a tradition of Prophet Muhammad, should also be undertaken
in the selection of a mate, asking Allah's guidance in the choice of the mate
best to assist one in preserving his or her Iman (faith) in order to prepare
for the Ahkirah (Life after death). If Istikhara is performed sincerely asking
Allah's guidance in the choice of a mate the marriage will be established at
the outset on the best foundation.
Salatul
Istakharah (the prayer for letting Allah to choose for you), is the most
important and most effective way to find what will make you the happiest and
give you the best partner for your life here and in the Hereafter.
Trust
Allah - do the Salatul Istakharah...
The
Holy Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet are rich with wisdom and the best examples
of appropriate Islamic behavior in family life. It is important that those
seeking marriage study the examples put forth by Allah and His Messenger in
choosing a mate as well as resolving marital problems.
Allah says, "Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good admonition, and have disputations with them in the best manner; surely your Lord best knows who goes astray from His path, and He knows best those who follow the right way" (16:125).
In this tradition of Nasiha is opportunity for individuals before marriage and couples after marriage to obtain good advice from family, community elders, Imams or Muslim counselors and social workers regarding ways to prevent and intervene early in potential marital problems.
It is clear that inherent in the teachings and traditions of Islam are many opportunities to prevent and address marital problems.
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In
the nutshell…
However, the primary goal of developing and implementing a marriage preparation program that results in stronger Muslim families who will, in turn, strengthen and renew the foundation of Islamic society through the 21st century should be of paramount concern.
REFERENCES
[2] Marriage in Islam – Islam’s Ruling on Marriage - http://www.islamswomen.com/marriage/marriage_in_islam.php
[3] The Muslims Marriage Guide - http://www.biharanjuman.org/MarriageGuide.pdf
[4] Dating (in Islam?) - http://islamnewsroom.com/news-we-need/653-loveandmarriageinislam
2 comments:
I am confused. If marriage is sunnah why is it half our deen? shouldnt it be fard? How can it be both? not mandatory but also half your religion? some people die without ever getting married, is that haram? are they denied Paradise?
Assalamualaikum.
The Prophet (S.A.W) considered marriage for a Muslim as "half of his religion" because it may shield him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and the life which ultimately lead to many other crimes including slander, quarrel, homicide, loss of property and finally the disintegration of the ideal family system on which so much stress has been placed by the Holy Prophet (S.A.W).
According to the Prophet (.A.W) the remaining half of the faith which is complimentary to the first half, can be saved by Taqwah (i.e fear of Allah and righteousness).
In yet another Hadith, the Holy Prophet (S.A.W) has mentionedthe best thing that Muslim can aspire to have after Taqwah, is a good pious and obedient wife.
Abu Inanah said, the Prophet (S.A.W( used to say: "after fear of Allah and righetousness, a believer gets nothing for himself than a pious wife who obeys him if he gives her a command, pleases him if he looks at her, she is true to him if he commands her to do something (of course not Haram) and is sincere to him regarding her person and his property whenever he is absent from her".
The explanation was taken from a book titled, Shariah: The Islamic Law by Abdur Rahman Doi; P. 119.
Hope the explanation helps In sha Allah and will share also when and how marriage is fardh and not.
I'm not a scholar nor a sheykha in Deen, Allah knows best and I know nothing.
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